On Submission, Part 5: Fear and Hypocrisy

This is part five in a series on submission...

In our first post, we discussed the battle over sexuality present in our culture today.
In our second post, we addressed Jesus’ own submission on the cross and how Peter understood that cross to be central to our practice of submission.
In our third post, we examined the particular calling of women to submit to their husbands.
In our last post, we saw that a woman’s submission to her husband is rooted in creation and leads to the exaltation of his, and therefore God’s, authority.

Today, we will see the benefits of this kind of submission.

Does Your Husband Know Jesus?

What if your husband doesn’t know the Lord? Peter says, you have a second chance when it comes to sharing the Gospel with him.

If your husband has not responded to the Gospel, there is still hope. He might not be responding to your words, but, says Peter, he can’t ignore you, yourself. He may disagree with the message of Christ, but he can’t disagree with the Christ he sees in you. After all, it was the humility and submission of Jesus to the Father that brought about the cross and forgiveness.

Show him that.

The alternative isn’t going to be of much help. One writer described a wife’s refusal to submit to her husband in these terms,

”When Sarah decided she wanted to be the preacher in her household, the only thing that came out of it was Ishmael.“

You see, Sarah’s sin was much bigger than just not submitting to her husband. She was laughing at God’s plan. Refusal to submit to one’s husband is usually indicative of a refusal to submit to God.

Peter makes it clear in verse 6 that submission to God is precisely what is at stake.

Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Don’t miss that. ”Doing what is right“ is a command to submit to God. Do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

Fear and Submission

Isn’t it fear that leads a woman to lead your husband? You’re afraid. You’re afraid he’ll make the wrong choice. You’re afraid he won’t act fast enough. You’re afraid of so many things and so you take matters into your own hands. You take control, thinking if I don’t do this it won’t get done, or at least it won’t get done right.

Peter says, “don’t be afraid.” Follow Sarah’s example. She respected her husband. That’s what it means that she called him “lord”. She respected his position. She might not have always agreed with his decisions; might have even laughed at a few of them. Lord knows Abraham was not always respectable. But God doesn’t call you to respect only the respectable husbands. He calls you to respect your husband.

(Guys, just as Sarah wasn’t excused for not submitting, you will not be excused for be unrespectable.)

If there is one thing that will empower your husband to lead your family, ladies, it is your respect. You call him lord, and demonstrate by your action that he is, and he’ll act like he is. If you want him to value your opinion, to listen to you, then value his leadership.

Marriage is a dance. And if you’ve ever waltzed you know what happens when both parties try and lead. Toes get stepped and the whole thing falls apart.

Evangelical Showmanship or Grace-filled Submission?

But it can’t just be show on your part. You’ve got to trust God that this is the only way, and do away with hypocrisy.

Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

You see, simply behaving like a woman isn’t enough. There’s nothing wrong with looking pretty and saying the right lady-like words. But your man can spot a fake at 100 yards. Your submission must come from the heart.

Submission must flow from a heart that is being renewed by the Holy Spirit, not seeking control, but giving over control, first and foremost to God, and therefore, to your husband.

If this is the case...if our lives are lived in under the authorities that God has placed above and beside us, our submission is going to be surrounded by repentance. You will be confessing both to God and to your husband to forgive you when you fail in your calling as a wife.

Repentance is the clothing of a godly heart. Gentleness is the sign of a woman touched by grace.

And just in case you haven’t believed a word I’ve said, let me close this post, and our focus on the ladies, with a summary of Peter’s third chapter from author and speaker Elyse Fitzpatrick, whose book, Helper By Design, I highly recommend.

“How will this message be preached to our husbands? Not by incessant nagging or anxious pestering, nor by schemingly using beautiful clothes and hairstyles. It will be broadcast to them through the megaphone of our heart’s attitude, an attitude that’s marked by calm assurance and trust.”

--------------------
In our next post, we will turn to the men and and see how verse 7 is no less significant in its calling of men to be godly husbands.